Just because you are a divorced woman doesn’t mean that you are no longer desirable. In fact; I know for a fact that men will date a divorced woman because I myself have done so. In one case in particular it’s even possible that I might have been the reason a divorce was expedited. But I’m going to leave that one for many to wonder about and plead the fifth on the grounds that what I’ve already just said might have incriminated me.
“Now!” Having gotten that out of the way… The only thing some of us smart guys might be concerned about (provided we’ve learned from our mistakes) is why a woman got divorced in the first place. Marriages don’t usually fall apart simply because of one person’s actions. There’s usually plenty of blame to go around on both sides.
I know when I meet a woman I’m interested in and find out she’s divorced; I tend to want to know why the divorce took place. Not because I am looking to condemn her for having played a part in a failed relationship.
“No!” That’s not my goal at all. The reason I want to know what happened is because, by learning as much as I can about her experience in that marriage and how she handled her end; it gives me a clearer understanding of her as a person, her prospective, feelings, acceptance level, sense of responsibility, etc.
And, “Why would this matter to me?” “Well…” By understanding her past it helps me to understand why she does what she does in the present.
Not so I can control her. It helps to know this stuff so I can control my own reactions to what she is doing, good, bad and otherwise.
Every relationship we have with another human being affects us in some way. So, knowing about a divorced woman’s failed marriage could be the very thing that helps me to uphold my end in working with her on maintaining a successful and healthy loving relationship in the present.
I do firmly believe that negative experiences hold value in the things that they teach us; just as much as the positive experiences do. So, if you are a divorced woman looking my way, yes, “I’m going to ask you about it!” And, “No!” There isn’t anything to be concerned about on your end unless you really did something stupid; had an affair or are a thief, drug dealer or anything along those lines.
Even I know that some people should never have gotten married in the first place let alone dated. So the concept of dating a divorced woman in and of itself isn’t really a concern for an intelligent guy like me. However, if you are a divorced woman who’s interested in dating again I do have a bit of advice for you that will help you pursue the man of your dreams with confidence.
“Make sure you’ve sorted out all your feelings about the divorce first before you start seeing someone new!” Even if you are still forced to deal with your ex because of the fact that you had children with them; it is important that you make certain that you do this.
If you don’t… Well… let’s just say that the new relationship is more than likely going to become just as dicey as the past one; very likely leading up to you experiencing another failed relationship, “Again!”
Is sorting through the feelings in the aftermath of a relationship (Marriage or otherwise) any fun? “Hell no!” Even as a man, “I know that!” However, over time I’ve discovered that by looking as objectively as possible at my past failed relationships an awesome thing has happened. “I’m now more relaxed about meeting new people and have a clearer picture as to the kind of woman I want to share my life with as an end result!”
We don’t have to forgive our exes for what they have done in cases where abuse, theft and betrayal are major contributing factors to the end of a partnership of any type. However, we are doing ourselves and our future lovers a terrible disservice by intentionally avoiding or neglecting to look in depth at what happened; exploring any possible things we could have done differently to make things better.
“Yes!” Sometimes divorces just cannot be helped and what is done is done. However, if we do see certain patterns in our own behavior that we know contributed to a relationship’s demise we certainly do have the power to change our selves. An inward change certainly would allow us to experience the best in all of our new relationships going forward.
“What’s that?” You’re a divorced woman looking for a man? “Hit me up if my line of thinking is something you can appreciate coming from a man you’d like to date!” Cheers!