It never really ceases to amaze me how one or even two events in your life can really affect your entire future. Sometimes they just creep up on you in the sneakiest of ways, without you realizing it for about twenty years or so. “Yet,” it happens. All it takes is a few awesome sexual encounters with a girl you really can get into and she says (or does) one thing that, whether you realize it or not, has negatively affected your intimate relationships for the next decade, “At least!”
You see; when I was a teenager, right up until my early twenties, I didn’t seem to have a care in the world when it came to interacting with women. The only thing that really bothered me was the fact that most women didn’t really want to interact with me due to my lack of visual acuity.
I wasn’t afraid back then of making a false move; fearing that I might end up in jail for sexual assault or something stupid along those lines. I didn’t have dreams back then to help me. I didn’t have the level of intuition working for me that I do now. “I didn’t even have a personal relationship with the Lord to help me along.”
“Yet,” on those occasions when I suspected a girl might actually like me, I wasn’t reluctant to try and sneak a kiss, or hug a girl I liked at the very least. I did it without a second thought; only slightly fearing rejection, “Not jail.”
But then things began to change. I had one girlfriend who used to tease me sexually to no end; intentionally winding me up and then shutting me down when it came to actually doing it; having sex I mean. So, I actually began to desensitize a bit; knowing that the social climate was changing for every one at that time, even though I was only twenty-two. So, to avoid trouble or just plain disappointment, I learned to be intimate without showing signs of arousal.
Apparently though; I was in for another shocker at the age of twenty-four when I met a Minister’s daughter. She drove me back to my condo one night after a bunch of us CB radio people had been hanging out at Dunkin Donuts, which I thought was a rather nice gesture. What I was really surprised with, yet delighted by all the same, was the fact that she rather forcefully shoved me against the counter in the kitchen of my condo and began kissing me without warning, once inside.
Needless to say; she and I eventually moved from the kitchen to the bedroom for a rather long pleasant night of fun between the sheets. We hung out for about two weeks; having another long sexathon during that time; me helping her get her car fixed through some of my own contacts.
But, next thing I know, after her car got fixed she’s breaking things off with me over the phone one night; threatening to press rape charges against me. I had no idea what the hell the problem was. I got the call out of the clear blue.
I was rather stressed at that point because I couldn’t figure out how you can be raping someone who is pulling your clothes off and helping you jump into your own bed. And, yet, she was threatening to press charges.
Fortunately for me; she told a few folks who were friends of hers about what she intended to do and they put their foot down with her; making it clear they wouldn’t stand for it. Yup! A bunch of people who really didn’t know me that well were actually sticking up for me.
But, they not only told her she wasn’t going to file rape charges against a guy they didn’t know all that well; they requested that my friend Allen drive me to meet all of them in the Newton NJ Dunkin Donuts parking lot so she could apologize; taking her threat off the table. After that, “They bought my friend Allen and I coffee.”
Apparently; she had made false rape allegations against someone before me and her friends new all about it. Lucky for me they still had enough influence in her life to be able to do what they did on my behalf. “However,” if I wasn’t feeling a little cautious around women before that, “I certainly was after.”
Since then; I’ve played it safe and pretty much just let women pursue me. Clearly that hasn’t exactly been working in my favor either; still one unsatisfactory relationship after another.
So, “Yeah,” if you are a woman wondering, “Why a guy won’t make the first move on you sexually,” you just might want to try finding out from him what dating experiences he’s had in the past. It might seem like the kind of awkward conversation you should really avoid. “But,” if you really do want him to have lawful carnal knowledge of your body, “What’s the point in being shy about it?”
By making the effort to discover the driving force behind your love interest’s lack of physical expression towards you; you just might get some insight as to why he doesn’t have his hands (amongst other things) all over you at those moments when it would seem like he normally should. “True,” it’s possible that he’s just not that confident or doesn’t feel that sex before marriage is appropriate. However, if you really are into a guy enough to want to get naked with him, “Doesn’t it make sense for you to try and discover what’s going on from his side of the equation?”
As for me; it’s clear that I’ve got a bit of work to do; overwriting some bad programming that got introduced to my subconscious at a vulnerable point or two in my development. However, it’s not just me who can learn from experiences like the above; drawing positives out of the negatives. So, why not share them to help someone, “Perhaps even you.”