When it comes to what we want in life; a lot of the time we are disappointed in the things that happen because of our expectations more than anything else. That is why Dr. Phil talks here about making sure that our expectations are in line with reality.
In relationships; it’s not enough to know who we’re dealing with but we must know ourselves. When we are striving for goals we must be honest with ourselves and realistic about our capabilities.
If we are truly sincere about achieving our goals and know we don’t currently have the ability we need to make things happen; the realistic person knows that they are going to have to make changes within themselves in order to get to where they want to be. This means we might have to step outside our comfort zone a bit. But you’ve got to move to some place new on the inside to get what you want on the outside.
Dr. Philip McGraw points out in this chapter of Life Code that winners are people who are totally honest about themselves, other people and situations. They don’t kid themselves and are very realistic in their view of the world.
Mr. McGraw tells us here in so many words, too, that winners already know their good and bad qualities. So, when someone attacks them about one of their more negative qualities they aren’t upset by it because it’s just old news, as far as they are concerned.
Recommended Exercise: Write down ten things you like about yourself; talents, gifts, etcetera. Keep in mind while doing this that it’s not egotistical to be proud of the things you can do well.
Note: If you are having difficulty with coming up with this list you are not alone. Most of us are not good at focusing on our good qualities and the idea of working on improving what we’re good at is generally a foreign concept for most of us. This is because we are usually focused on all the stuff that’s wrong with us.
Next; write down ten things you can’t stand or dislike about yourself. For most of us this list is easier. Are we doing this to pick on ourselves? No! You don’t even have to fix these things if you choose. However, in creating this list we are acknowledging these traits voluntarily, which, when push comes to shove, can make life flow a lot easier down the road. In short; if we face our negative traits on our own we won’t have quite the negative reaction that we otherwise might if someone else were to unexpectedly force us to.
Winners have goals. Dr. Phil suggests that we stop and ask ourselves what it is that we are working for in life. Are we working for the things we want or don’t want? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that goals should be the things that we want in life. Three steps in achieving a goal, given in Dr. Phil’s Life Code, are as follows:
- Figure out what it is that you want to be working towards with as much detail as is humanly possible. Identify those behaviors and tasks that will be a part of your action plan (timeline and all) for achieving the goal.
- Write out in detail what kinds of things you will be doing as a part of living (having already achieved) your goal.
- Determine what the signs will be which serve as a signal that you have finally achieved your goal. Figure out how achieving this goal will feel to you once you’ve accomplished it.
Mr. McGraw stresses here that it is important to set a realistic timeline for achieving a goal and sticking to it. He recommends finding someone who we can report our progress to for the sake of accountability. It could be a friend, family member or someone else who will support us in staying on track.
Of course, it’s kind of hard to achieve goals in life if we aren’t in the habit of asking ourselves, “What’s in it for me.” In fact, many of us have been taught that it’s selfish to think that way. However, Mr. McGraw assures us that, like it or not, we all do it to some degree or another.
Furthermore; it is not selfish to ask, “What’s in it for me,” and base decisions and actions on the answer we derive from that kind of thinking. Of course, it’s ok as long as it’s not something that relegates us to the level of the Baiter!