I’ve gotten quite a bit done this morning. The dishes in the kitchen have been taken care of and I did do some work to a couple of sites I haven’t dealt with in a while. I’m still considering starting a new reality creation to do list on Brian Schnabel’s Head Space but part of me still isn’t sold on the idea. I’m not sure why that is.
But I’m still having some issues with lower than usual energy and that’s not helping. But I’m working on getting my act together in the mental department, this morning’s twenty-minute meditation helping with that big time.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m not pushing too hard to achieve clarity. But on the other hand, “What’s the alternative?”
But maybe my reluctance to writing any kind of a to do list, in the traditional sense or Reality Creation sense, has something to do with commitment? “What will I feel like if I write it out and don’t get it all done?”
I’ve tried scheduling my days in the past and it’s felt more like a drain on me than an accomplishment. And that’s just after two weeks of writing one out every morning.
What I find strange, too, is the fact that I’m pretty much guaranteed to have a new routine fall apart after two or three months, no matter what I do to try and keep it going. It’s like something inside says, “Why bother?”
But maybe things will be different this time. Of course, I thought that the last time and the time before that, too.
Maybe it all just comes down to the fact that I know deep down that no matter what I do for myself, “It’s only ever going to be just for myself.” The feeling I get now as I contemplate this planning of days thing is something like, “It will never bring you acceptance from anyone else!”
It doesn’t seem rational but there it is. Doing the things I do don’t do much for me anymore and planning to change that feels way too much like work, “Today anyway.” Maybe things will be different, “Tomorrow.”