Brian Schnabel's Head Space
Where Magick and Mind Digitally Interlace.
Newtonian Gardens Apartments Tenant Journal Entry: Money, Mindset, and Meditation
Monday, January 26, 2026: 7:59 AM: I woke up around two thirty this morning with a headache that was letting me know the storm front was moving out. I then started to do a meditation to kill off the headache and was hit with a massive surge of energy that felt as if it had come up from the ground below. It was not unpleasant at all, and I fell asleep with my inner witch telling me, “The body is finally doing what it’s been trained to do.”
I feel relaxed and at ease for the moment. I have noticed that every time I think about money, making it or managing it, I feel mildly anxious. “That needs to change.”
Once I have finished my coffee, I plan to engage in a meditation session. Following this, I will allocate at least ten minutes for spinning. After these activities, I believe I’ll be prepared to focus on my work.
It’s so nice to sit inside and not have to worry about shoveling snow. I don’t have to worry about clearing anyone’s car out either. Does enjoying listening to someone else do the work make me evil? It is what I pay rent for, “Isn’t it?”
I now limit my writing to twenty-minute sessions to avoid rambling. Today, I’m having trouble organizing my thoughts. Maybe audio recordings for later transcription would help? “That presents its own challenges.”
Fortunately, I do have AI to help. But I think what it comes down to is I’m just too much of a damn perfectionist. I’ve never really mastered the fine art of banging it all out on paper without really caring about the order of words and things. If I’m going to be more efficient, “I need to stop over thinking”!
Monday, January 26, 2026: 11:35 AM: During this morning’s hour-long meditation, my thoughts kept drifting back to Dad. My mind also kept taking peaceful scenes and turning them into threatening ones. The root of all this? “Money.”
The people that have always discriminated against me the most either had money or wanted money from me. Women who want money, which is the majority, have been the worst offenders on the social side of the equation and the joyful business owner’s choice for carrying out acts of discrimination, “All in the name of a buck.”
I was raised by people who overcomplicated financial matters to no end. Everything had to be their way in the name of saving a buck. “If only they were capable of understanding what it has actually cost them.”
It’s not that I hate money. It’s just that obtaining it is becoming an increasing source of frustration, most people only willing to part with any of it in a manner that is least beneficial to anyone, “Let alone me.”
So, yeah, money is frustrating to me. It’s not that I’m not good enough to be paid fair market value. Most just don’t see me as being worth fair market value, “Despite the fact that this blind man’s abilities do rings around most sighted people’s abilities in competitive markets.” I need to find a way to flip this script.
Posting that's a little off the trolley at times... Brian is a single Newtonian Gardens Apartments resident, Self-Publishing Author, cPanel WordPress Web Host and Windows 11 powered computer tech. He’s a musician, sailor, hiker, cycler and some women would say, “Magical, too!”