Brian Schnabel's Head Space
Where Magick and Mind Digitally Interlace.

February 2026 Personal Journal: Reflections on Interpersonal Conflicts, Pandemic Decisions, and Paths to Growth

Thursday, February 12, 2026: 8:00 AM: It’s been a hell of a week. While the Great American Outdoor Show was fun, I don’t ever want to do anything like that with Marilyn and Michael again. I’m not even sure I want to continue providing services to someone who can’t handle sitting in traffic and I’m beginning to think Marilyn in particular is generous out of guilt or simply thinks she’s buying loyalty. “I can’t figure out which.”

She’s been very good to me over the years as both a friend and client. But after the behavior I saw exhibited by both her and her son earlier this week when I was out there, I’m really at a loss as to what I should do going forward.

I have a check for $200 that is supposed to be payment for both February and March, which Marilyn finally gave me when I saw her, but I’m not feeling like cashing it right away is a good idea at this point. “The whole situation just feels wrong.”

Marilyn finally admitted to me recently that she rushed to buy the house in Pennsylvania so her ex could come and live with her during the pandemic, when they were releasing people from prison under house arrest. I don’t think I have a recording of that conversation, but I know she said that, as unverifiable as it is. Why would she even want to do that? And the way things went down at the start of the pandemic, it was like she just didn’t care about the potential risks to anyone so long as she could play host to the jerk who screwed so many in the name of a buck.

No one knew at that time what the nature of COVID-19 was. I suspected that she was rushing to purchase her new home at the time for a reason beyond just concerns over what would happen once the lockdown took full effect. Recently though, she cleared that up for me beyond a doubt, even if I don’t have documentation of it.

I don’t wish to ever stay with these people again at this point. If someone can’t handle sitting in traffic for more than five minutes without getting totally stressed over it, breathing heavy and constantly bitching about going no place while snapping at each other about it in front of a guest, I really have to question the wisdom of spending time under their roof. To witness the behavior was quite something. “Totally unreal!”

All I can do at this point is move to protect myself from their current lunacy. Will I cash the check and continue doing work for them? “Right now, I don’t know.”

I’ve already set the table for intuitive guidance to take over from here. I’ll be watching over the next few days for signs as to what my next steps should be with regard to the handling of the Marilyn and Michael situation. “We shall see.”

Thursday, February 12, 2026: 9:13 PM: This night has landed with that mix of clarity and fatigue I’ve been carrying all week. Most of the visions I had ended up coming through, except the call from my cousin Stacey, which still hasn’t happened.

My nephew did call, and the computer pushed updates through even with the Windows 11 updater paused; completely unexpected behavior, but at this point nothing surprises me with Microsoft.

I got the house touched up. However, I skipped laundry for safety reasons; the ice shifting on the rooftops around the complex made that the only smart call.

Yesterday I finally accepted that the iPhone email issue isn’t going to resolve itself, and the IOS 26.3 update I took didn’t change a thing. A full factory reset is the only option left, whether I like it or not.

Marilyn called this afternoon to thank me for the windshield washer fluid tip, and while she and Michael seem pleased with the results, I can’t shake the sense that she’s trying to smooth over her behavior from earlier in the week. I’m holding the check until Monday and still haven’t decided what to do about the February–March payment. I’m not convinced I want her as a client anymore, payout or not.

I’m almost done reviewing the 5AM Club, and Copilot has been useful in helping me cut through the noise in the enhanced PDF, even calling Sharma out where things don’t add up. I’m going to give the 16 hour fasting window a try; eating between 10 and 6; to see if it helps with cholesterol and the next round of bloodwork. I’ll start back up with the garlic, cayenne, and St. John’s Wort on Sunday and pause again on March 8 to give my body a break.

I’m planning to use Copilot for capturing notes to make things easier on myself, and it claims it’s up to the task. “We’ll see.”

My niece texted today just to say she’s been thinking of me despite being buried in classes, work, and being sick. I let her know I understood, and she appreciated that.

Productivity wise, this week has been a disaster, but I’m not sweating it. My focus is finally starting to come back around, and that’s what matters.

Friday, February 13, 2026: 7:59 AM: I woke up with my stomach acting up again. As it was, I ended up out of bed at 11:07 last night eating apples and cereal just to settle things down. I finally drifted off a little after midnight, and while it’s better this morning, it’s still not where I want it.

I’m planning to hit Hayek’s Market today for more apartment goodies. I’m feeling like I should hit Dominick’s too, though I’m not sure how I’m going to fit everything in.

I need to keep pushing on the back posting for the week of November 16th and then get myself caught up from February 1st forward. I also have to get the tax write-up done for Mike Murphy because I can’t keep dragging my feet on that. That little trip to Pennsylvania really threw my rhythm off.

My sleep cycle is a mess, waking up at 6:38 AM and feeling like things have been off for more than a week. It’s not acceptable to me, but stressing about it won’t help.

Ellen wants me to stop by tomorrow because “Cupid” apparently left something for me at her place, which is sweet of her even though we’re not dating. I wouldn’t be offended if she hadn’t done anything, but I appreciate the gesture.

I need to get a handle on my anxiety, and coffee is a mixed bag there. I’ve switched to the larger coffee maker, which could work against me, but my gut says that as long as I’m done by noon, I’ll be fine. This whole capture with Copilot experiment is going to be interesting; I’m not sure yet if it’ll make things more productive.

cPanel updated and I see they want me to take a survey. If accessibility cooperates, I’ll do it if I have time tomorrow or Sunday.

Companies have been lying about accessibility for years, long before anyone started blaming Trump’s administration for walking back Section 508. It was never enforced anyway, and the whole thing is just political noise. I can’t fix any of it from here, so I might as well stay oblivious and put my time and money where accessibility exists.

I finished the 5AM Club and I’m thinking about going through the enhancement with Copilot to pull out what’s actually practical for me. If I ever write a book, it’ll probably be a collection of what I’ve learned from Sharma, Greene, Carnegie, Covey, Hill, etcetera.

And now I’m starting to obsess with grammar, which is my cue to stop and just hand these notes over so Copilot can do its thing.

Friday, February 13, 2026: 9:43 PM: I got all seven pages for the week of November 16th titled, meta described, and meta keyworded. This coming Back Posting Friday, February 20th, I’ll generate the pages using the current BrianSchnabel.com template.

I went to Dominick’s for lunch, was waited on by Mike, and saw both Sal and Pete. They always seem happy to see me, which is nice, but I also know it’s part of the business model, making customers feel like family. In reality, I could disappear and they, like so many business owners in Newton, wouldn’t miss me enough to find out where I went. Even still, it’s nice to live the illusion.

I had three good meals during my eight-hour window between 10 AM and 6 PM. I’m certain making it until 10 AM tomorrow won’t be a problem. I’m going to see how things go delaying coffee until then too. I’m feeling like I should probably take my garlic, cayenne, and St. John’s Wort capsules at 10 AM as well; that feels right.

I made sure my bedroom is cool this evening. I’m confident I’ll sleep much better now, even if the neighbor in 2 7B is noisy when she comes home from work. No good reason for the disrespect she shows me or her downstairs neighbor in the middle of the night.

Another one of Atlantic Healthcare’s finest employees, I guess. It must be a requirement to be a jerk to your neighbors to work for the hospital here in Newton. “Special.”

I’m going to bed now and dream of taking what I want by force—money, boats, etc. We’ll see what pops in reality after doing that. There’s a journal entry in my week of November 16th reminding me about that little ability—having the dreams of a warrior to get cooperation in reality.

Saturday, February 14, 2026: 7:15 AM: I don’t think my downstairs neighbor’s day is off to a good start. It sounded like her dog did something naughty. Yesterday morning I’m pretty sure I heard her crying. I don’t think things are going well there at all. She still sounds angry about something when she talks.

I started reading Robert Greene’s Mastery again. He’s not someone who believes in magic or reality creation techniques the way I understand them, but his insights are valuable because he gets one thing: there is no simple formula or quick fix for an individual to find their way into a successful life.

I didn’t have any dreams last night, but I’m not surprised. It came to me this morning that what I once considered nightmares were my brain’s way of messaging me that the stage was being set for people to work with me rather than yield to their natural prejudice against the blind guy. I couldn’t have made that connection as a child, but now I know and welcome the nightmares that signal the stage being set for a positive outcome to a pending interaction. That’s not to say all my nightmares are precognitive, but if I keep watch, I’ll know which ones are and which are just messages about myself that I’m not picking up any other way.

Sometimes I chuckle thinking about the look on the faces of evolutionists like Robert Greene when they discover that mind really does influence matter more than they suggest. There really is something to magical rituals, prayer, visualization techniques for influencing future events, etc.

I also find it amusing that the Catholic Church has worked so hard through the centuries to keep secret the fact that our existence didn’t start here on Earth. Our genome is far too old for us to have evolved here. So, what if the concept of God and the great global flood talked about was an event that took place for a huge number of spiritually based cultures somewhere else in the galaxy?

I need to work on the tax stuff today and stop by Ellen’s this afternoon to see what Cupid dropped off. I decided to have my coffee at the usual time this morning. My meditation before getting out of bed lasted an hour and felt good. I think I’m ready to start my day now.

I didn’t do any exercise as part of my waking process this morning. I often wonder how many people have sustained injuries starting their day the way Robin Sharma says it should be done in the 5AM Club.

The book has a few contradictions, the one about exercise being the most noticeable. But we read books for ideas that might work for us, right?

Saturday, February 14, 2026: 7:57 AM: That was definitely my downstairs neighbor I heard crying yesterday morning because I’ve heard it again this morning and it is definitely her. I hope whatever’s going on, she’s able to work through it. Not a fun way to start the day, whatever is happening in her world.

Listening to WQXR to drown things out a bit. My awareness will otherwise kick into high gear, otherwise known as watcher mode. My attention needs to stay within my own apartment so I can get things done. It’s not that I don’t care; it’s just that there isn’t anything I can do.

Posting that's a little off the trolley at times... Brian is a single Newtonian Gardens Apartments resident, Self-Publishing Author, cPanel WordPress Web Host and Windows 11 powered computer tech. He’s a musician, sailor, hiker, cycler and some women would say, “Magical, too!”