Friday, October 2, 2026: 9:19 PM: I ran the previous journal entry about my sleep through AI. The biggest realization from the conversation? “I’m using sleep in an effort to fix my life.”
This would explain why meditation on subjects before bedtime acts as a stimulating exercise rather than a relaxing wind-down. So, the most I should aim for going forward is simply relaxing my body, clearing my head to practically zero, and nothing more.
No affirmations or complicated visualizations. Just breathe and relax.
Of course, that’s going to be easier said than done. But after reading through everything AI spit out about my last journal entry, the remark “Don’t try to solve your life” made it click in my head as to where I’ve been going wrong.
For years, my best solutions have always involved astral travel and dream analysis. In order to do these things, I need to sleep. However, I’ve obviously reached a point where this stuff has become counterproductive. In short, “I’ve fucked myself over.”
However, there is a cure in the house that can resolve this situation. I can start writing out my goals as extended affirmations or even in poetic form. In addition to my other light reading, I can generate audio files from the material I’ve written. These can be short stories, letters, or brief statements I can easily reference “during the day” with reasonable frequency. Hell! I should probably review certain sections of this damn journal anyway.
The idea, though, is simple. When I write, I naturally relax. I’m not sleeping when I write, and I’m pretty sure my brain function slows down right along with my heart rate.
This tells me something important: “I can make whatever impressions I want on my own mind during the day without aiming for an altered state. I’ve been doing this stuff long enough now to know that laser-like focus on tasks, maintained in a relaxed manner for extended periods during the day, will have the desired effects on my environment.”
It’s going about the tasks in a relaxed manner that I need to work on. I already know what I want. In many instances, the work on the projects themselves will be the driver for change, a kind of magic in and of itself.
I will need to keep somewhat of a buffer zone between intense work and periods of rest, which brings me to another point. The way I’m wired, “Do I really need to be totally asleep to get rest?”
I’ve already tricked my watch a few times into thinking I was awake when I was actually having full-on visions. So maybe… just maybe, I need to view bedtime as rest time and be done with the concept of “sleep” by general standards. God knows I don’t follow the normal rules of living with blindness in other areas of my life. So why not just say fuck it and throw out all the teachings I’ve had about what it’s supposed to mean to sleep? “That might actually work!”