The meditations I’ve been doing over the past few days have been totally kickass. However, I do believe I am now in another downward inflection point with the brain chemistry, as my mood swings have been more towards the negative of late, and sleep cycles are being interrupted again.
Of course, some of this might have to do with other things going on in the building. But it is about that time.
I think I’ve mentioned in the past that about every two to three months a bit of depression starts to kick in. This lasts for about a 2 to 2 1/2-week period.
Two of the symptoms signaling that the cycle is starting involve racing thoughts and anxiety attacks. The other major symptoms signaling that this 2 1/2-week cycle is starting involves a very screwed up sleep cycle.
Sure, I’m still sleeping. However, during this portion of the cycle, I’ll be lucky if I have a good deep sleep for any longer than two to 2 1/2 hours on average.
Other symptoms include sporadic crying Jags and an overwhelming feeling of everything being pointless. The good news is that at least I have finally managed to go for walks without my eyes tearing up.
I suspect the eyes tearing up thing is a stress reaction. However, when I leave my apartment and head into town, that stress reaction seems to have gone to the wayside of late. “That’s a beautiful thing!” Now being aware of what’s going on though, at least I know that I have a snowballs chance in hell of getting through the next couple of weeks with my sanity intact.
This has probably been going on for decades. I don’t know why I didn’t notice it sooner. But I’m aware of it now, which gives me the opportunity to run countermeasures when things really start to get bad.
Of course, this more than likely being a chemical thing, it would probably be a mother to test for. So basically, I am operating under the theory that this cycle starts every 2 1/2 to three months because it is chemical. I have no real way of proving that and doubt that there is any way to test for it, because of the fact that it’s usually rather difficult to time your appointments for such a test in a way that would coincide with one of these downward spirals.
Now that I’m aware that this potential chemical imbalance exists, can I override it? That is a question I’ve asked myself on more than one occasion of late and, “The answer is something that remains to be seen.”